when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
