Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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