Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize