I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
