I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
