dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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