Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
