So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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