My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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