I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
