Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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