dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
