There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
