You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
And then he peed in my hair
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