I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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