So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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