Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
