in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
