A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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