also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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