it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
