About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Randomize
