You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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