Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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