Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
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