why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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