I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
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