lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
