Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
