If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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