i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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