I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
