I accidentally had phone sex last night
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
You are a genius and a whore.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
