Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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