why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
