woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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