my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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