i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
