The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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