..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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