if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
