good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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