is your mom at the bar?
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
