take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
