At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize
