I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
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You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
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That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
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