i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
BRING THE BAGELS
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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