Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
do herpes really smell.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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