in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
