Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
