come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
