Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
