Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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