I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
