my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
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