My girlfriend figured out who you are.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
My ass is underappreciated
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
