Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
