i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
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She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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