Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize
