some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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