Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
