Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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