I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
