Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
