i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
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