I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
