I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
