She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
