i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I'm eating all of the evidence.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Randomize
