A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I stole a fireplace last night.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
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She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
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You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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