Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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