I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
