You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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