Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
You need Xanax blowdarts
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
