Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
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it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
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