his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize