proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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