Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
